I was just reading a blog about IR (interracial dating). This led me to start thinking again on a subject that has been bothering me for... over a year. The differences I've found in the dating culture between Japan and Korea.
Mind you, this is coming from a white woman who likes Asian men. So it may differ for others, but from what I've observed, I doubt it differs that much.
Coming from the American "melting pot", I've grown up in a country where black, white, Hispanic, Asian, you-name-it faces are the norm. In the USA I know there is still trouble with racism, but overall this is not the case. If you are American, for the most part, you are American. Maybe it's just because I've always been very open-minded that I didn't differentiate between peoples backgrounds...
Anyways, I've been living in Asia for several years, I spent a couple in Korea and a couple in Japan. Recently, I noticed a trend in dating.
I used to be a "big girl", I've lost over 30kg in the last 4-5 years. However, In Korea the men didn't care so much. Not that they didn't care at all. Some men after checking me out had no interest in talking/meeting again. In Korea, where they are very vocal about liking women to weigh 110lbs (while most men have no idea what this means except skin and bone), they are much more open to dating women with more curves as long as they are foreign.
What I mean is, when you see a Korean man and a Korean woman together, regardless of how fat, ugly, disfigured, or potentially handsome the man is, the women are usually very slim and often petite. Korean women are supposed to be slim and pretty, and while most Korean men claim that they would never date/marry a woman who's had plastic surgery the truth is that most Korean men won't date a Korean woman who hasn't had surgery.
Meanwhile, you will see Korean men with foreign women and often see the opposite. When it comes to size, Korean men are much more accepting of bigger foreign girls. Now, that isn't to say that they love big girls, just that they accept them much easier than they would a big Korean girl. Of course, they aren't happy about it. You can often times expect to hear things like "You would be prettier if you lost weight" or "If you weighed 52kg, I would be in love with you (true line from a guy friend of mine, who apparently was seriously asking me out...)". These things may make you ask "Are they really more accepting", but honestly, yes. The fact that they will date you, even wanting to introduce you to their parents is a BIG deal. (P.S. I still don't weigh 52kg, just 30+kg less than before.
---
Living in Japan has taught me the exact opposite. Mind you, I am MUCH thinner/healthier than when I went to Korea, but dating here is nearly impossible. I thought it was just because I wasn't trying as hard but that wasn't it. So, as I always do when I feel out of place, I started to people watch more. After moving to Tokyo, I used to frequent Shinjuku and even hang out in areas of Shibuya that are good for observation.
I eventually realized that I never saw a big foreign girl with a Japanese man. I have seen other "big" (over size 6--US) girls here. However, all the these women that I saw with a male partner were with men who were white, black, Philipino, etc.: not Japanese. Even here in Tokyo, I have seen slim-to-no Asian men with women who are bigger than a size 6. In fact, a size six seems to be rare in itself. I must admit, I may have seen a girl or two who MIGHT be as "big" as a size 8 with a Japanese guy! However, they also looked like they should be models (not the anorexic ones we see today, but the healthy looking ones who were chosen more on looks than bones.)
It doesn't seem to matter if they are white, black, Asian, whatever. When it comes to Japanese guys dating Japanese girls, they are so much more accepting of curves and bigger girls, but foreigners? Hell no. I have even been asking my friends to see if it is just my imagination and many tried to deny it before thinking and saying "You're right, I've never seen one couple with a big or average foreign girl and a Japanese guy." or "I knew one guy who married a 'chubby' American girl... oh but, after they moved to Japan they divorced within a year."
I have found this both annoying and fascinating.... It's amazing the differences people are willing to accept from people of the same race/ethnicity/culture than from those of others.
However, I'm sure this isn't just a Korean/Japanese thing. Overall, in the USA there are so many types and people who prefer different things, though even from state to state you will likely see a difference. However, I find that in Korea it went both ways, some were okay with average or above average girls and some weren't, but here in Japan I have not seen this kind of thing. Even in the rare event that they date a girl who is bigger than a size 8, marriage?! What are you thinking? Obviously, I've dated a couple guys here, but one was openly interested in moving to the USA and the other was a playboy, so...
Of course, it's obvious to say, you haven't met the right kind of men, and I perfectly agree. However, neither have 99% of the other average and above average women I've seen here. So I'm thinking it's not just me.
No comments:
Post a Comment